Past or Present

Alliah Delgado

“Ganito kami noon, ganito sila ngayon.”
“Ganito sila noon, ganito kami ngayon.”

When people talk about romantic love, it’s inevitable to touch the topic of generation gap and how there is a huge difference between relationships before and relationships now. We often hear our lolos and lolas talk about their time and how it was “better” than the present time. Teenagers are tired of hearing this, “Iba na talaga ang mga kabataan ngayon” and hear the disappointment in their voices. Some would be mocked as someone “old-fashioned” if he/she preferred to express his/her love in a traditional way. That person could be called “baduy” or “sweet” depending on people’s thinking about the generation gap of showing love. Also, millennial and the generation z are thought to be “too aggressive” when it comes to love. Since February is branded as “Love Month”, let’s talk about the differences between a traditional love and a millennial love– whether we should pick sides and whether there is a better kind of love.
Traditional

Have you experienced receiving a love letter? Do you remember how your face glowed and how you couldn’t stop reading it over and over again to let it sink in? Do you remember how you could almost hear your love saying those words to you personally and feel the sincerity of it? Something that is hand-written feels more special than a digital one. It’s more personal. It’s direct and it also shows the thoughtfulness of a person.

In Filipino, “nililigawan pati ang magulang”. Some boys would even bring their friends in the house of the girl, wearing a nice barong and slacks that make the boy more handsome, with his newly groomed hair; he carries a guitar to serenade the girl. Then, the parents get to know the boy, his background and his family. Furthermore, the parents also have a say as to whom should the girl choose.
Moreover, we will find the specific limits and boundaries in a relationship. There was an exaggerated assertion that if a boy just hold a girl’s hands, she will get pregnant. In a Philippine conservative society, we know how the parents were so protective especially if their child is a girl. They would not let the boy touch the girl unless they are in a relationship or under the sacrament of marriage. The girl was not even allowed to express her affection too much because “it was not appropriate”. You could distinguish if the boy or girl is in a relationship based on how they act toward each other and that a lot of people know about their relationship.
We may be in the 21st century but there are still the “conservative” people who raise their brows to millennial who show their love in their own contemporary way, thinking that the old way is better. They take pride in thinking that what they had was “more sincere” than the love today. Is that true? Can we really tell that theirs is better? Let’s take a look at the contemporary way of showing your love.

Contemporary
All of us have been really grateful for the development in technology. Now with just a few clicks and with an internet connection, you can even see their faces even if they are as far away as America through video call. A message of “I miss you” and “I love you” can be given in just a matter of seconds.
Communication became easier and cheaper.
Millennial use this development to their advantage. They would always message the one they love in a chat or text form. If they’re not contented, they would call or video call them. A long letter can now be written digitally and sent to your special someone. Even when a boy is just courting a girl, he chats her and checks on her any time of the day to show his care and love for that person. When you are in a relationship and this is especially true for teenagers now, you are to obliged “Good morning” and “Good night” texts/chats to your special someone because many of them find it saddening if you don’t do it, knowing that an access to communication is not difficult so you don’t have an excuse.
It may be that one of the factors why this is happening now is because of our first point: development in technology. The teenagers may become so used to expressing themselves digitally that they find it really difficult or awkward to engage in an actual or serious conversation with their parents. Whatever the reason is, it is happening now. In a contemporary way of showing love, most relationships develop without parents’ permission.
Furthermore, when it comes to talking about limits and boundaries in a contemporary setting of relationship, it is complicated. There is a thing now that is called “Mutual Understanding”. It is a situation where a boy and a girl mutually understand that they have feelings for each other and that somehow they should consider each other’s feelings. The problem with this is that the two is not yet committed to a relationship so they are somewhere in between being single and being taken. This is problematic in a way that the feeling of love invested in this type of relationship is as if you are really in that relationship but the commitment level is where everything becomes messed up. It is being in a relationship without being really in it. A lot of older people don’t really understand this type of relationship existing in today’s generation and explaining it is more complex than anyone would have imagined. There are a lot of reasons why this relationship exists. It may be that both the boy and the girl like each other but think that it is not yet the right time to be in a relationship. It may also be that their parents would not yet approve of their relationship or maybe both of them still have priorities other than a romantic relationship. However, there are also young “couples” who choose to be in this kind of relationship because they are afraid of commitment. Whatever the reason is, we can see that there is a difference in the kind of relationship that exists now compared to before.
At the end of the day, even if there is a vast gap between the traditional and contemporary kind of relationships, the same kind of love exists in both generation. . They are both incomparable. Each relationship is unique and as long as it’s founded and built on a love that is patient and kind, love that endures, love that is not self-seeking, and a love that never fails, you are on the right path.